EMOTIONAL HOSTAGE. Michael Lebeau and Leslie Cameron-Bandler. Real People Press, Moab, Utah Edited by Deepak Emotions are distinct. from: $ Know How: Guided Programs for Inventing Your Own Best Future ( Mental Aptitude Patterning Book). Leslie Cameron Bandler, Michael Lebeau. about nlp, neuro-linguistic programming, and leslie lebeau (cameron-bandler).
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Knowing that you feel bad gives you almost no useful information about what is going on to make you feel that way or what to do to change your situation.
Most of us assume that we have no choice about how we feel. Emotion is something that happens to us as a response to whatever is going on at the time. Most people never think to choose their emotions. And they particularly never been told how you can. Emotions are not the same as the judgments we make about them and neither are they the same as the behaviors they help generate.
Many people have only a few experiences coded as emotions: The rest are merely descriptive words. But such things as responsibility, purposefulness, ambition, capability, confusion, frustration, pride, security, and affection are not only behaviors, but emotions as well. At times, you feel responsible, you feel ambitious, and so on.
Running your experiences through just lexlie few all-purpose emotions is like the difference between black and white television or color. Or the difference between using only eight keys on a piano camefon of all eighty-eight.
What we are doing and what we are feeling may be quite different. You might consider yourself a good socializer because you do fine at making conversation, but inside you are feeling bored or intimidated. You may be acting sullen, but you are feeling hurt because someone insulted you. A child may be acting out drawing attention to himself when really he is feeling lonely.
How you act and how you feel may be the same, but the two are banndler and may be quite different at any given moment. It is worth remembering this because the tendency is to assume that we know what is going on inside other people simply by watching their behavior. An emotion is an overall feeling response at a moment in time. James Lynch talks about how many patients are either totally unaware of their feelings banddler can only describe them in rational, dissociated, non-feeling terms.
They cannot distinguish among different kinds of feelings.
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They can use the words for emotions, but they have no idea how these emotions feel. Unable to describe their own feelings, they also lose the capacity to discriminate between bodily correlates of various feelings. An intense surge of blood pressure could just as easily be a storm of hatred or a tidal wave of love.
How is feeling frustrated different from feeling disappointed? Disappointment is useful to let go of what you want, accept it, and move on to wanting something you can get. Frustration keeps you striving.
Until you think there is nothing more you can do, it is ok to feel frustrated. That is, if it is worth feeling frustration about.
Is it worth it? If it is, then you need also the emotions of patience and determination to see it through to the end. The worth of an emotion cannot be measured by how pleasant it is to experience, but only by the outcome it is intended to serve. No matter how unpleasant an emotion seems to be, it is actually worth having as a signal. The first step in utilizing your emotions is to recognize what they are signaling you about. The second step is to respond to the message.
That feeling is letting you know you made a mistake. Through recognizing your mistakes, there is the possibility of not repeating them in the future. Guilt is a signal that you have violated a personal standard, your own value, and that you need to make sure not to do it again in the future. It is useful to keep what you do in line with what you value and believe. Anxiety is a signal that lets you know there is something in your future which you need to prepare for.
It is a signal that you either need to make better preparation or is something to avoid altogether. Overwhelmed is a feeling resulting from attempting to achieve too many outcomes or too imposing than can be done in the time you have available.
It is a signal that you need to re-evaluated your priorities about what is necessary and what is not and in what order. No feeling overwhelmed and you waste your time on trivial things that have no priority. Jealousy is a signal that your emotional well-being is in jeopardy and you need to do something. If you ignore this feeling, you may lose your relationship.
No jealousy and relationships are interchangeable and easily replaceable.
Anger is a signal that your well-being is threatened or abused and you need to something to stop it now or prevent it in the future. It is a notice to you that someone has done something to harm you.
If you did not get the message, you might be harmed again in the future. Maybe those who harmed you would not become aware of the pain they have caused and so have no opportunity to make amends. No anger, you become a doormat. Too often, however, emotions are felt and expressed, but not responded to. There is little point in banfler something unless that helps you change your future behavior. Unpleasant emotions are worth having if they are used well. If fact, if you could not have these emotions, you would be at a great disadvantage.
Placement, Expression, Employment, and Prevention. This is when you are using the most appropriate emotion for each context in your life. Feeling disappointment instead of frustration once you have done everything you can and it is time to give up, let go, and move on.
Bad Placement is responding with an emotion other than what we need or like in that situation. What leslif you need to have depends upon what you would like to get out of that particular situation. Good to express an emotion congruent with your concept of self and with the outcome you desire. Expressing hurt by withdrawal and silence is not good expression.
The ability to utilize unpleasant emotional states leslei generate useful behaviors. The first step is lelsie be able to identify the emotion and what its signal is. Once you meet the need of that emotion, it can be bnadler to change your feelings in better ways. Rather than needing to get rid of unpleasant feelings, you have the choice of respecting them as signals and then using those feelings to take you to useful next steps.
Example, like using fear of losing your job to work harder to keep your job. It feels like an inescapable trap tightening its grip with each effort on your part to struggle free. Anxiety is a signal that there is something in your future for which you need to better prepare.
It could be just gathering more information to fill in an incomplete picture of who-what-when-why-where. It could be a signal that she is thinking of only possibility of the future event, that it will be unpleasant. Once you identify what you want to have happen and what you need to do, then you can use your past to tell you that you are capable of doing each step and visualize a positive outcome. If the anxiety persist, you need to assess the actual risk involved: A few hours of cajeron
Leslie Cameron-Bandler: Books, and a List of Books by Author Leslie Cameron-Bandler
Anything of real importance? You know the anxiety is lfslie when you feel informed, resigned, and accepting of nominal risks. If you panic on the dance floor, then either never go to the dance floor or learn how to dance very well. Where do emotions come from? We think they are caused by external circumstances. We give them reasons. It seems that the situation dictates our emotions, but it is what camerom going on inside of you in relation to those circumstances.
Emotions have components just like guests coming and going at a party. Each emotion has Components that are the same for everyone everywhere. There is a cultural uniformity. Example, think about the difference between Hope and Anticipation. Remember a small unpleasant experience and Hope that will not happen again. Now think about the same unpleasant experience and Anticipate that will never happen again.
What is the cameon Hope has components of being passive and uncertain. It is not for sure. There is more than one outcome.
You imagine both what is being hoped for and what is hoped for will never happen. Anticipation is for sure and you feel more engaged for involved. This emotion orients you toward preparing for the future. Think of something that you are currently Anticipating will happen. Get that image in mind and at the same time imagine that it will not happen. Now do the same with Hope. Eliminate all the possibilities but one and see what happens.